Dating Emotions Love Relationships Self Improvement Thinking

The Lessons in the Loss

In every instance there are choices and we can make the conscious choice to learn and grow, or to stay angry/hurt and stagnant. I recently experienced a heartbreak/grief/loss of relationship, and I am working quite hard to remember the lessons in the loss. I know it can be easy to default toward our hurt, but to find the positive, the growth and the moments of gratitude, these are the true things I am looking for.

  1. I have intensely supportive family and friends. Coupled with the fact it’s the holiday season/Christmas in this week, I have never felt more loved, supported and cared for by those who I have shared this sadness with. I have more invitations to go spend Christmas with people than I have hours to make it happen, and I have felt nothing but love from them. No judgement, no saying “you were foolish for rushing in” – just pure empathy and care.
  2. Every time, go into things with full heart and give life a shot – We can never predict the outcome of a scenario, or guess the intentions of another person, but we can choose not to make someone new pay for the “sins of others”. I can call myself foolish, or linger in the thoughts of how I could have not let this scenario come to be – but I would never have fully let myself experience it either, if I had done that. I gave this experience my full energy, effort and heart, and for that I do not feel foolish at all.
  3. Vulnerability and surrender – I have struggled with this greatly in the past few years, and this “theme” has been pervasive in many ways. This relationship taught me that even though I was hurt, I gave over to my vulnerability. I shared my heart. I surrendered to scenarios that I wasn’t sure I could manage, and I did ok. I trusted another person with my heart, and I ended up hurt for it, but I did it willingly – and I’m still proud of my ability to love another, fully, completely and without holding back due to fear, insecurity or past precedent.
  4. Behave with grace – This is not easy, and it’s never going to be something that comes to me by nature (or at least I don’t think), but I know now that I can handle situations that make me sad/upset/uncomfortable with grace, a level head, and compassion. No matter if we FEEL someone deserves these things, it will never hurt me (or you) to act in a way that exudes that grace, love, gentleness and forgiveness. I no longer feel “weak” for being willing to be a decent person in the end of a relationship; instead I feel quite the opposite, that I took a road that was far more difficult – and I know now that I can handle it.

Each time we feel upset is a chance to learn. We have the opportunity to find a lesson – or sit in the ugliness of what we have experienced. What will you choose?


By DreamerSD

Life enthusiast

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