2021 – #goals

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I am fairly certain MOST people are ushering 2020 out with a wave farewell and not much more, considering what a trying year it ended up being. 

As for me, I feel 2020 was a good year on the side of personal development, goal setting (and achieving) and better understanding of who I am, who I want to be, and the life/lifestyle I want to cultivate. Read the recap of my 2020 here.

2021 … what do I want to make of myself this year?! It feels so exciting to “re-birth” and evolve, and NYE/New Years Day always gives me a peaceful feeling of hope and inspiration.

The past year has been HEAVY with the theme of surrender…and I think it is a very fitting “one word mantra” to carry me into/through 2021. Surrendering (I wrote a post previously about this in 2020) is not always easy for me. It appears in so many ways in my life, or I should say “opportunities” to surrender lay before me and I am challenged to accept. I want to incorporate this into each of my “resolutions” and see if I can’t improve upon this “skill” and practice, each day. Surrender and face my hard truths. This will undoubtedly appear in every way, but here’s what I have come up with so far:

1. Health
   1. Balance & Rest – Surrender to myself and my physical, mental, and emotional needs. I have worked diligently in the last 2-3 years to build a lifestyle of activity and consistency, but I have only really learned lately how to listen and be still. Learning to rest and recover is such a challenge, especially when my primary outlet for frustration or boredom is now fitness. Resting is not the same as giving in or giving up.
   2. Surrender to examining my vices.
      1. Alcohol: I know I enjoy alcohol, but I also know I can quickly turn to it as an emotional masking agent and I don’t want that. I want to be in control of my drinking and consumption rather than a slave to it.
         –    Dry January – Doing this (now annual) event again. I think it’s a bit of a challenge, but not so bad because it falls after the holiday season and my liver is ready for a break
      2. Food – Eating for nutrition and fuel rather more often. I find myself choosing foods that bring me comfort or are “easy” convenience foods more often than I would like. I want to instill in myself the same discipline that I have with working out and apply that toward meal prepping, cooking and healthful food consumption.
2. Financial
   1. 1. Planning – Surrendering to delayed gratification. It’s so easy (for me) to think “I want it, so let me just get it” but without always thinking long term. I want to practice reigning in that compulsive nature. This benefits me by 1. ensuring I can save for things and pay for them outright instead of adding to my debt and 2. teaches me to wait and see how bad I REALLY want (or need) something. Often times I re-think my “need” for things and if I would have just given it a pause, I wouldn’t end up with buyers remorse.
      2. Facing my insecurities, Part 1- Surrendering to the understanding that people will (or will not) accept and appreciate me for who I am, not what I can give them/buy for them. I have a long standing, internal battle that says “buy that person the perfect gift and they will love you more” or “show your appreciation through a gift or token”. I want to learn to soothe that need for validation, through my spending/gifts, and find more meaningful ways to express love, gratitude and appreciation to those around me.
      3. Facing my insecurities, Part 2- Surrendering to the truth of my situation. In the past I often created justifications and excuses for my situation. I want to truly face my contributions toward my financial fitness, and be willing to embrace the good, the bad and the truly ugly. I have debt. I am working on getting out of it. I have indulgences, and I am working to curb those. I have future goals, but they can’t come to fruition until I am in enough discomfort for my behaviors to change. I must, and will, challenge myself to really learn to live within my means. To continue to seek ways of spending time with people in less expensive ways, and “treating myself” a bit less now, so I can truly treat my future self to something great.
3. Hobbies and Free Time
   1. This is similar to my “fitness” area, but I want to find better balance and surrender some of the things I know I won’t do, but keep lying to myself about my intentions. Each year I seem to pick up new hobbies and interests, only to feel wracked with guilt for never, or rarely, using/doing said item or activity. I want to learn to surrender to my truth, set aside my ego and let go. I have begun this process by getting rid of a couple things that I know I wasn’t truly excited by (keyboard and ukulele), put some things away for “later” like my never ending cross stitching projects, and also stopped some subscriptions to digital things that might take up my time, like Masterclasses and trainings. On the flip side, I have triaged the remaining things/activities and really thought about the time allocation I am able to give to each. I have laid them all out and am hopeful that this new way of doing things can help me really focus my energy toward things I am truly going to do with intensity and excitement.
4. Love
   1. Romantic – I have thought long and hard about this facet of my life, and while I could downplay it, that would be such a lie. I want to surrender to each opportunity for love and relationship. I want to honor my own desires and engage in interactions fully, with my whole heart and mind. I am tired of playing games and I know what I want in a partner. I want to fully surrender to being vulnerable with another, being honest about my needs, dreams, hopes and fears.
   2. Friends – I want to do the same as with romantic love, but just engage in a way that adds depth and meaning to our friendship. I want to allow myself the space, and grace, to fall out of friendship without guilt, and to pursue new friendships without fear or expectation.
   3. Family – I want to surrender to my fears of missing out, and then turn those fears into actionable time spent. I want to improve the relationships with my family, especially my parents, and ensure that when the time comes, if there’s an end, I won’t have to live that grief and have it tinged with regret. I want to be there for my family in whatever way I can, even though we are separated by distance.
5. Sex & Sexuality
   1. Surrendering to my desires, embracing my sexuality and inviting pleasure. I don’t want to stifle myself, my creativity, my needs or anything else. I think that by keeping our own discussions around sex a secret, we just keep parts of ourselves gagged. Healthy relationships come from honest dialogue and recognition of truth and I have long felt suffocated by fear or doubt, because I didn’t want to make someone else uncomfortable, and I don’t want that for myself any more. I want to feel sexy/sexual and be ok with it. I want to have sex with who I want, how I want, and truly ENJOY it. I want to feel comfortable, no, not JUST comfortable, but stunning in my own skin, and showcase that to the world in whatever way I want.

I know 2021 will be whatever I make it – and I truly look forward to that!

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